Author: mistressofdivinity

On Advent 4C -December 19, 2021

For St James Lutheran Church and Episcopal Church of the Saviour in Hanford, CA.

Preachers who listen to the Sermon Brainwave podcast have been more or less challenged this week by Dr. Matt Skinner, so today, I begin with describing gnomic aorist tense in Greek. Now Greek is not for wimps and I find it much easier to understand on cold medication, so it’s ok for this to be too much on a Sunday morning.

Aorist tense is past tense.  A completed thing.  Done.  But… as  we all know, people have habits, an M.O.. A manner in which we can expect them to continue behaving because… they do!   As such, a gnomic aorist verb indicates a completed thing, but one in which we can have reasonable expectation of continuing to happen because… it does.  

And speaking of M.O…..

Have you ever wondered who the first Christians were?  One could say we meet them today; we hear from them, and even more importantly, we hear their song and declaration.  

Meet Elisabeth– whose old womb had failed her for many years, leaving her in a position of high authority and also considered a shame to her community and her husband, Zecharaiah, the high priest. 

Elisabeth could be officially the first Christian, the first to claim out loud that Christ is her Lord.  She looks to this much younger cousin and rather than dismissing her, she proclaims joy and awe, respect and wonder at the gift of their relationship when she has been ostracized and shunned for years. And she names the child in Mary’s womb as Lord.

Meet John– the babe well on his way to entering the world.  Likely entering her last trimester, Elisabeth feels him leap within upon seeing Mary.  John, who would be ostracized himself in many ways, who was a loner and, well, even to the Jewish people, weird.  He would come to say that his cousin is far greater than himself.  Humble and yet ready and eager to call out the behaviour of many alongside his cousin, he jumps with joy at the nearness of Jesus. 

Meet Joseph -in the backstory, who we hear nothing from on the topic, but his actions speak louder than words.  And he supports Mary in all the ways that really matter.  She leaves their home, leaving him to tend to his own meals and care in order to go spend 3 months with her cousin. That says it all. His life was a living breathing example of service to the Lord. 

And Mary.  A woman of her time, full of youth, promise, and a baby who is not her husband’s.  A woman who was a troublemaker of the best degree- willing to offer up her entire life and reputation for this promise from God.  She does not dismiss her significantly older cousin, Elisabeth, but goes to her with joy.  And when they greet, she sings her song of resistance to the troubles and injustice of the world. 

It seems that God has a way of gathering the rag tag bunch of misfits as an M.O. Because here they are, the very first followers of this Christ, this messiah who is to come to save.  

It seems an odd way to declare salvation to the world, two pregnant women who sing.  As if that would change anything.

But it does; Mary’s declaration, her song of resistance is lifted up and recorded in writing, passed down and celebrated through the centuries to come.  Yet she is of no account.  She is nobody.  And still, for centuries, her song was the only allowed song for Vespers! 

The whole of it is odd.  The whole of it breaks the ways in which we expect to hear from God and how power will be overthrown.  And yet, it is just God’s way;  God’s M.O.  Mary’s song uses the gnomic aorist tense to share just how God has done all these wonderful things and WILL KEEP ON doing them. 

God has gathered the ones society shunned.  God will continue to gather the ones society will shun.  God has filled prophets like Elizabeth and Mary with the Spirit and God will continue to raise up prophets, filling them with the Spirit.  God has undone the power structures of humanity and God will continue to dismantle them.  And God will do it in the least expected of ways, and will keep doing it in unexpected ways.  

Advent is a time of preparation, a time of waiting. As followers of our Christ today, it is hard to prepare for something when we don’t know what we will need. How are we to prepare?

We respond as God’s people always have: we cry out to our God. And then we receive the gifts that God brings to us in order to be prepared:To be gathered into a rag tag bunch.  To welcome others when they come to us.  To open our hearts to the joyous filling of the Holy Spirit.  To leap with joy at the one who brings good news to us.  To sing of resistance and hold hope.  

That is all we need to prepare.  Because, as Mary sings with glee, God has done the rest, and God will keep doing the rest.  That is God’s way… 

Today I saw an image of Mary, with a maternity line streaking down her belly and arms holding her aching back as she anticipated labor. (Credit image: Honest Advent by Scott Erickson, to see it, follow his instagram page: honest advent. Here is the image link from his IG: https://www.instagram.com/p/CGhscreBaEu/

Here are my thoughts:

I live on the spine of the world. And when she stretches, I know her groans; the sound she makes as she struggles to ease the growing pressure that causes her pain.

I know this pain in aging, overused joints. I know the moans and groans as I desperately reach for relief; moving into poses of pigeons, and dogs, and sleeping babies.

I have lived on the fast of the earth, where her tears and ragged breath saturate and drown, swirling madly as she weeps out her anger and pain.

I know this overfull storm of emotions and wetness that must be released. The ones that start in one place and grow and spread as it moves to a new space to be released. I know the tear swollen eyes and throat as I weep and rage out in order to be balanced again.

I have lived in the barren dry spaces of mother earth’s body. The ones where she holds her bitter, dry, deathly hot and cold grief; where a drop brings a blossom. and a day later it is dust. Where the arid landscape has a bold, raw, unapologetic beauty, cracked and split by the sun. Like my aging skin, moist as long as I oil it, and withered parchment an hour later. I know this dry grief in my skin and most delicate spaces.

This creation- she is she.

She is me.

We are we.

Created and bound together for each other.

And my God entered this sacred, aching, slick, and dry being with me….

and then I knew my divine self… created in Their image,

is the fullness of love.

9th Sunday after Pentecost- 2 Samuel 11:1-15

Today is a baptism. And also the readings where yet again people will hear the story of Bathsheba and David and will once more allow a victim to be blamed.

I am not afraid to preach a good and hard sermon. But there is also a time and place. And today, we celebrate new life, joy, hope, and there will be young people present with no nursery due to COVID. So instead… I place this here for you.

You see, that is our history. I love our scriptures- but they are the results of a specific time in history, of a particular lens of writers and even those who chose these books out of so many. Within that history is a habit as old as time to blame the victim.

Throughout time, we have made Bathsheba into a temptress for doing what normal women did (bath on the roof- it was private!!!!!). Just because she was not dragged by her hair to the king for him to abuse his power did not mean she was willing. In fact, it does not even mean she had a choice.

King David was a rapist and murderer. He abused his power and not only forced her into a sexual relationship (remember she had NO choice- context matters folks!) but afterward, he murdered her honorable husband to cover it up. The man was no saint. He was saturated with sin and power at this point in his life.

She had no choices in this situation. She did not have a single option available to her except to act with as much dignity as she could muster.

Every human who suffers sexual abuse and rape at the hands of another does the same, even today. We put on our best mask and try to make the world think we are strong. We don’t let them see just how cruel and destructive our abusers are. And we still fight the narrative that somehow the victim is to blame.

But Jesus gathers the pieces.

Just as the bread went out whole, it was not thrown away after others fed from it. Instead, the pieces were not even thrown to the ground. They were gatherd.

In Christ, we are gathered, cherished, and given hope and healing. Today, I want to give Bathsheba some healing. I want us to hear the victim and acknowledge her story. Because in the story being heard, the truth being told, our pieces can be gathered up in Christ and we can be set free.

The way they broke you did not make you worthless. It did not diminish you. It diminished them. Your beauty, strength, and resilience are not any less. They cannot steal that from you. And all the frayed and broken parts inside, they are held with sacred gentleness by our Lord, until you are ready to be whole, to be reformed in Christ.

There is healing. There is wholeness. There is truth. There is a different future ahead for us. And for Bathsheba. And it begins with the truth of our Lord, naming what IS and calling out the systems of oppression and harm. In his entire ministry, Christ values the victim and in doing so, the abuser is under the spotlight for accountability. It made those in power so angry they murdered him too. But he did not give up. And through his Spirit, he does not give up, even today.

He gathers the pieces.

Yesterday I lost my shit. I took my “Karen” to the internet and let loose, too. It was a sight to behold. All the while, but especially today, I have wondered, why am I acting like this? Why does having a home matter so much? I have a roof over my head right now, so why have I lost patience?

There are a lot of answers. I identify as an 8 on the enneagram- and at my innermost person, provision and stability of the basics is super important to me. I am motivated to provide that for others, but also, when my own is threatened, I become my most 8 self in anger and I will fight anyone in my path. *Did you hear my high pitched voice saying, “I will fight you!”???*

With well over 40 moves in my life of 47 years, while I am not a true Nomad, I relate deeply. When my partner’s mom died, a part of me died. Her home had been our permanent address (a military term) for over 20 years. With her death, I lost the only address I had ever had for years on end and any sense of a place to return to if things got really rough. But even with that, I have never felt like I really had a home, or at best, that I had a right to call a place home.

I have been homeless, too. I have slept in other people’s homes and even in a parked boat (yes, on wheels) for months on end. I have had “no forwarding address” and have lost contact with so many people over the years. I am pretty sure if previous life exists, I was seaweed or an airplant- no roots.

So when I ask myself, “Why does a house matter so much that I will lose my patience and go off on folks over yet another delay” I am asking from a perspective of not ever really having a home- not a real one that I can always say is there.

So if I can live this homeless in my heart and at times physically and still thrive, why does this matter? It comes down to this:

We all want a place we belong.

We all want to know there is a corner of this world where we can claim it and know it is ours and we belong to it too. We all want to know there is a landing or jumping off point in this chaos we call life. We want to know there is a touchstone- a place we can reset and reorient ourselves.

And here is what I have learned, too:

God is our touchstone.

When I lose focus on that (and yep, pastors do that, too!) I lose my sense of direction- as though my compass for life and the world is missing. And then I lose my shit and my patience. I can look past a lot of human failings and gaps until I lose focus on my touchstone- who reminds me I am more than this body.

And this is the story of the human condition; our need to know our place, yet limiting ourselves to our bodily needs denies our greatest one- to know we are claimed and can claim in return.

That is the meaning of home: A place where we are known, claimed and we know and claim in return. And this matters because we are created in love, for love, by the greatest Love.

So today, I am loving myself. I am reminding myself that God loves me and claims me and that is not undone by my very human moments of Karen-ness. Today I am forgiving myself and apologizing to those I was short with. I am remembering my place is all of this and none of it- and that is the best touchstone ever.

I have done some difficult things since becoming a pastor. I told someone I could not be their pastor, I let some people go who could not support me being a pastor due to my gender, I buried people I cared deeply for, I spoke unpopular truths.

The hardest things have come recently. I said goodbye and then have had to wait to say hello. As I sit here, in a beautiful guesthouse, away from everything, I am grateful to my bones for the provision. And I am also anxious. My heart wanted nothing more than to be called to remain and settle. But God said, “not yet.” I would not have gone through the pain of another good-bye were I not called forward- and yet, I sit.

It feels hard to just sit. Recently, my dad, Ole, and I were sharing the feelings of being “do-ers” in a world where we our value is based on ability to “do.” Both of us have so many “projects” waiting for us. He is sidelined by chemo, I am sidelined by contracts waiting to be signed. Neither of us want to be sitting still when there is so much we could be accomplishing.

He brought up the pandemic and wondered about the Israelites being left to “sit” in the desert for a time (40 years) in order to learn something and he wondered what we might learn globally in this pandemic time. Together, we wondered what we are each to learn in our personal time of stillness.

I was reminded of when I was turning 9; I refused. I was angry and sullen for days. Finally, breaking down and crying, I told my mom why: “I have wasted my life and had nothing to show for it, how could I possibly turn 9 and not have done anything to make the world a better place yet?”

This last week a prophet in my life (@polyglotevangel on twitter) called out the need to soul search, to confess sin, and seek forgiveness and mercy from God. Francisco named the level of willingness of many white people to betray a person of color when it came down to it; a sin where we will sell out the “other” for our own security.

The same day, I began reading Mary Magdalene Revealed (about the lost gospel of Mary Magdalene). Author Meggan Watterson wrote this:

“Sin in Mary’s gospel is not about a long list of moral or religious laws, it’s not about wrong action. Sin is simply forgetting the truth and reality of the soul- and then acting from that forgetful state. The body then, the human body, isn’t innately sinful. “Sin” is when we believe we are only this body, these insatiable needs, these desires and fears the ego conjures.”

Suddenly, I felt my time of waiting had purpose. My memories of turning 9 and conversation with my dad all coalesced into understanding. Francisco’s truth and pain and Mary Magdalene’s grasp of sin as a cutting off of the soul all made sense.

I have time and space to look in my soul and see myself for who I am, to see my value, my belovedness and that is has nothing to do with what I “do” or how much I have done. My sin against my siblings begins with my inability to see myself as precious and worthy even when, or especially when I simply sit and take space.

My sin is in failing to see my own soul, and thus theirs.

My forgiveness begins with seeing and knowing the truth of humanity as beautiful, precious humans who need first to be seen. How can I see them if I am caught up in hiding from myself?

Remember the Israelites? They didn’t want to see themselves either. They just wanted to get where they were going so they could “do” and prove their worth again. Being valued by what we do and provide to the world is a colonized and privileged concept. The truth of being valued- just plain valued- is a God-system. When we free ourselves from worldly value systems, we might be able to finally overcome the greatest sins of our time.

It starts with undoing our corsets and bindings- to look at ourselves honestly and see our soul and the then remembering that first truth: We are God created. Then, choosing to see and value the same in others.

We will never do that when we are busy “doing.” We have to stop or be stopped to be still enough to let the bindings fall.

Seminary was a time of great undoing for me. I pray this time is another great un-doing for me- that I will see who my soul is, and know the truth of who I am created in the image of again. And I pray, that out of that, I will see you all the more clearly.

Epiphany 2A         January 19, 2020     Hope Lutheran Church          Riverside, CA

We love to look for the savior, the one who is amazing and will fix it all.  

We want presidents, pastors, and team captains who can fix things and we glorify them or crucify them for what we do or do not do. No law put into place is more powerful than the people who choose to follow it.  No one person can save this church, that team, or this nation. And thank God, no one person can destroy these either. If a nation or church is destroyed, it is by the people, not the leader.  One person does not have that much power. 

Still we look for the savior. 

We do not look to ourselves.  Even in the church, we lift up the Christian whose life is transformational for the world, whose resume of faith works is worthy of a book. Who lives like Mother Teresa and yet lives like the Osteens. We think if we are believers our lives have to be something amazing to be of value and power.  By this measure, we are not enough. 

Listen to the words of Paul again from our second reading, 

I give my thanks to God always for you because of the grace of God that has been given you in Christ Jesus, for in every way you have been enriched in God, in speech and knowledge of every kind- just as the testimony of Christ has been strengthened among you- so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift as you wait for the revealing of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

I read a blog this past week that sat heavy with me.  And these words accompany it perfectly.  In it, author Krista O’Reilly Davi-Digui ponders the question:  

What if all I want is a Mediocre life?  

What if all I want is a small, slow, simple life? What if I am most happy in the space of in between? Where calm lives. What if I am mediocre and choose to be at peace with that?

But what if I just don’t have it in me. What if all the striving for excellence leaves me sad, worn out, depleted? Drained of joy. Am I simply not enough?What if I never really amount to anything when I grow up—beyond mom and sister and wife? But these people in my primary circle of impact know they are loved and I would choose them again, given the choice. Can this be enough? 

What if I never build an orphanage in Africa but send bags of groceries to people here and there and support a couple of kids through sponsorship? What if I just offer the small gifts I have to the world and let that be enough?

What if I am not cut out for the frantic pace of this society and cannot even begin to keep up? And see so many others with what appears to be boundless energy and stamina but know that I need tons of solitude and calm, an abundance of rest, and swaths of unscheduled time in order to be healthy. Body, spirit, soul healthy. Am I enough?

What if I am too religious for some and not spiritual enough for others? Non-evangelistic. Not bold enough. Yet willing to share in quiet ways, in genuine relationship, my deeply rooted faith. And my doubts and insecurities.

This will have to be enough.

She says so much more, and I will share the blog on our facebook and webpage, but I want you to hear the rest of Paul’s words this morning. 

God will also strengthen you to the end, so that you may be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.  God is faithful. By God you were called into the fellowship of the Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. 

I know I am a young pastor. I know I have energy and more ideas than the world can make happen. I know I like to dream and do and create and I know for some folks, just watching me is exhausting.  Some of that is me trying to prove myself to the world. And some of it is just who I am. But that is me and it is not you. And I am not this church, we all are.   

And we are enough. You are enough.  Jesus Christ did not call you to be amazing, he called you to be faithful.  You became members here to be faithful community together, because one person cannot do amazing things, but a group can.  And together, we are doing an amazing thing. We are being faithful together in a world filled with anxiety and fear.  

Do not look to those who are not here; those who are now gone or those you wish would come.  The ones we need are already here. You. Us. We are enough right here and now because God is faithful and we are called into the fellowship of Christ by God.  The most faithful and amazing thing you do every day and every week is show up and be present. In your presence you bring Christ to the world. In bringing Christ you bring peace.  

I have failed you as your pastor.  I am fired up by the Spirit and in my eagerness, I want to see YOU fired up by the Spirit.  But that may not be your call. Maybe your call is to be calmed by the Spirit. Maybe your call is to be quieted by the Spirit.  Maybe your call is to be rejuvenated, enlivened, comforted, or more by the Spirit. Just because I dream of more, doesn’t mean you have to be more. That is my dream and my call. I failed you in not making that really clear. I want you to know, just as Paul did for the Church of Corinth that your faithfulness is enough. Whatever that looks like, you are enough because God has strengthened you.  

The only savior is THE savior.  He already died and did amazing life for us- now it is our turn to life faithfully in whatever way it is that we are each called individually.  Because we were, and are, and will be enough already in Christ Jesus. This week, do not go out trying to be what you are not. But in faithfulness, be the most you, that you can be and trust that the work of the Holy Spirit is being accomplished in even the simplest of things you do.  

Christ has already accomplished the most amazing thing: salvation of the world.  Our job is to join in the celebration and bring who we are to the table. And who you are is enough in Christ Jesus. 

Advent 2 A December 8, 2019 .       Hope Lutheran Church Riverside, CA

Is 11:1-10 Ps 72:1-7,18-19 Ro 15:4-13 Mt 3:1-12

If things are going well, we don’t really need hope.  Take that any way you want to, but at least consider, that Hope is a thing which depends on something not going as planned and instead holding  a desire for more, for better, for the possibility of a different ending. 

It is hard to have or hold onto hope though in times of crisis, if there is not something to cling to- a shoot out of the stump that we can hope turns into a mighty tree. There has to be something left for us to cling to. Without hope, though, there is not much reason to hang around unless it is to grieve the end of what was.  

I learned this past week of several creatures who are expected to be extinct soon.  Orangutans, Gorillas, Rhinos, and Elephants are at the the top of the most endangered animals on earth.  Quickly behind them are polar bears, leopards, and leatherback turtles.   I was thinking about how many of them are dying off because of our intentional actions like hunting, and how many are dying because of unintentional actions, like habitat loss and climate change.  I feel like there is no way I can fix this- that only I can change the polar sea caps melting. So in many ways, I guess I am hopeless for the polar bear. It feels really empty to sit with this hopelessness.

That is where John is, crying out in the wilderness.  He is warning us of our endangered status- telling us there is a point where hope will run out and not be enough.  The people who are out there telling us lies and letting us believe there is more time are only vipers after our death in the first place. But for those who are willing to repent, hope remains.  

Repentance is not just saying, “I am sorry.”  It’s more. In fact, it is less about apology and more about changing our ways going forward.  Repentance is realizing we are more than going the wrong way on a path, or that we have done something wrong, but also likely on the wrong path altogether.  It isn’t a street corner shout that we are all going to hell because we don’t believe, it is also taking time to make way for Christ and change in our lives.  

Pastor David Lose reminds us that Advent is not a time to feel guilty about how we live before Christmas, but more about inviting ourselves to imagine that it doesn’t have to be this way and that we can take steps away from what is oppressing us and into God’s dream for our lives and creation. It is about making room for Christ. Repentance doesn’t have to be the final solution for polar bears, but instead one step toward a different path altogether.  While it may not change what is in motion now, it may be able to change the future. 

This year I learned about the impact of plastics on our water supply, so In our home, last year we stopped using plastic storage containers and this year I have been slowly buying reusable storage bags to replace ziplocs.  It isn’t the final solution, it doesn’t fix the plastics in our rain or water supplies, but it was one step in the right direction on the right path because we became aware that we had to change or we had to give up hope.  

I for one, was not willing to give up hope.  I want to keep it, to bask in the warmth of dreams, and life in it.  

John is reminding us, Christ is reminding us, we can hold onto hope, but we need to start somewhere to do so.  One small change at a time can make a big difference. I stopped using plastic straws about a year ago, too. I have saved somewhere around 50 straws in that time.  Now imagine if 50 of us did that. It would start to make a difference.  

Our lives are like that one small change. As community in Christ, our small changes have  cumulative effect and hope grows. We are called to repentance not just to say I am sorry, but to change the way we choose to be in the world.  As you move through advent, I encourage you to make one change personally and one change communally. Every day of our lives, we are given a chance to remember our baptismal promise and start anew in Christ- and that is where hope lies.  And each day, with each choice, hope can grow and thrive.  

This is the message of Christ, that we are born and renewed and each day, our choice is to thrive in this new life and cling to hope for more today and tomorrow.  And that is the message of Advent. Repent, Turn, Hope, Repeat.